90/10 Rule & Why You’re Still Single
Most people want to be “fixed” when they come to me for coaching. What they do not realize is that their inner workings are in a war against itself. It is more a matter of self-inventory and developing the insights to your own intentions.
I always ask clients is: “what are you seeking?” and then even more so “what is your level of commitment?”. It matters a great deal if we are not invested into our goals.
You may have heard about the 80/20 rule or the “Pareto Principle”. This states that 80 of your results will come from the
The 90/10 rule is similar. We set out on this path, and define our goals, we know what we want. However, it is not the committed 90 percent macro-goal that wins the day.
This was first called “cognitive dissonance”.
For someone that is just seeking hookups and friends with benefits, the 10 percent inside of them
The 90/10 rule. When we want something, typically 90% of us will be fully invested into the goal. In many of us, hidden deep in our subconscious, is the ten percent. If there is even ONE percent, it will disrupt your efforts and compromise your decision-making. Place yourself in a vulnerable spot and put 100 percent of yourself into the dating, the task, the goal, whatever it may be.
The Vocal Minority in Your Head, Oftentimes Make the Loudest Noise
“Losing” a part of yourself in a relationship is a fallacy. You can still be two, independent self-sufficient people, with different goals and dreams while still sharing a rewarding relationship.
There is a lid for every pot. If 100 percent of you genuinely want a relationship you can FIND one and make it work. There are just simply too many avenues and places to find love, nowadays.
Familial Pressures Play a Part
Whether they realize they are doing it or not, your relatives at the Thanksgiving. However, it may even be tempting to please them if you are on good terms with them. (Insert statistic about young people waiting to get married.
I have talked about chasing labels (insert link to “Titles in Relationships” post) and the unintended consequences that can come from it.
The relationship should. It should not be a trophy to show off. This is not about making Aunt Sally happy with a status update of the two of you on vacation.
Advocating for Singledom
It may seem counter-intuitive for a dating coach to tell a client to stay single. After all, they are coming to me for actionable solutions. However,
You must realize that you are amazing. Do not worry about the 10% that wants to keep you down.
In the end, you must pour 100% of yourself into. Buy into your own personal brand and what you stand for. By doing so, you will allow for more. Your capacity for empathy will. You will love more intelligently and. Doing the things that make you happy, but also do the things that make you GREAT.